The New York Times Issue 6
The New York Times, Issue Six 13th October Dedicated to Witch, one hell of a friend, one hell of a journalist, my dear friend Giovanni Ricci and the countless bodies which have made this one of the saddest days in mafia’s history. 'ASDA v DISCO' By Dwayne Johnson Following Puck’s dramatic exit from the world following his murder, his daughter issued orders to the remaining Disco family members to hunt down ASDA and to remove them from the history books. It’s likely that they would have torn up LA in his memory anyway, but with these orders the deal was sealed. Immediately after his death members of Disco including Barvon_Von_Mannsechs, Witch and Axes went after the remaining ASDA members currently awake. Mr_Krazytrain lost his life and his last words praised Bugsy for the fatal shot that killed Puck, however Bugsy escaped unscathed from the nights work to return in the morning with his reasons for killing, blaming it all on one man and one man alone; Billy Bathtub. The reasons seemed a poor justification for the killing of the only Don in history, and consequently the war continued, only without Bugsy due to his removals by the God’s. The fighting from October 11th was much fiercer than the night before with casualties on both sides. The day started with Red_Rabbit kidnapping and murdering two an ASDA goomba and gangster. With Disco unable to get at Bugsy, they targeted the lower ranks in the ASDA chain of command. Glowy, Alberto and Big_Daddy were all amongst the victims for ASDA, whereas Disco lost much loved and respected Mafiosa, Axes. Giovanni_Ricci who had previously scared Bertone and Clamps into submission got involved in the fighting in memory of Puck and also lost his life in unfortunate circumstances. Today, as the fighting moved into the 3rd day of brutal murdering and slaughter on both sides the death toll piled up with Disco suffering heavy losses. First of all, Witch, the popular NY times writer was involved in a duel with Bertone where after an intense gunfight she lost her life when her bodyguards failed to stop the bullet, immediately after this FallenAngel, who claimed to have robbed the LA bank died at the hands of Bertone. Not stopping there, Bertone also killed Aurora, Puck’s Right hand woman as she was away on another errand. Disco mourned the loss of their Made Men, but it wasn’t to stop there. Genesis and Bertone became entwined in a gunfight which lasted just over 22 minutes in which nine bodyguards fell before Genesis lay on the ground with a fatal gunshot wound to the heart. Disaster struck, and mayhem seemed to follow with Made after Made ending up in the obituaries for Disco. However, all may not be lost for Disco with a mysterious shooter calling himself “AJ” giving Bertone a severe wound before he managed to bribe the guards and get a supermax sentence, and Baron_Von_Mannsechs again proving his worth by killing D00-daT. We’ll bring you more as and when we receive it. 'SIEGEL REMOVED FROM SOCIETY' By Ernesto Taridelli Following Bugsy’s statement on the street regarding the reasons for him killing Don Puck, it is rumoured the God’s of the world conferred and removed Bugsy into a solitary confinement unit for the next few days while it is decided what to do with him. The charge appears to be “Hounding a Bloodline” which goes against the constitution of the land. Outspoken ASDA member, Clamps, was found to be furious with the allegations against his family member, and said It would be taken to the courts and fought there. We’ll bring you updates as and when we get them. 'THE BOTCHED LA BANK JOB' By Dwayne Smith At around 4:45 AM this morning, Disco made, FallenAngelJR claimed to have robbed the LA bank taking over $50,000,000 from the bank vaults. However, early reports suggest this may be untrue with many LA citizens claiming they have lost nothing. Clamps was quoted saying “Surely if my bank was robbed I would have received a statement or something?!” The rumours are yet unconfirmed, but it seems that FallenAngel never succeeded in robbing the bank, and instead attempted to con people into thinking he had. 'ASDA: THE NEW CONCEPTUALISTS?' By Honest Abe The Conceptualists are perhaps the most feared and hated groups to date on the world of Mafia.Org and their past is littered with deaths, betrayal and massacres. Most recently though, however, The Conceptualists have seemingly retired from their mantle of being the biggest random killers around and have become much more sedated, whether this be because of a change of interest or a lack of focus anymore, this of course left a great void in society and as so often when a void appears, something else moves into the gap to fill it. In this instance, step forward Bugsy_Siegel and ASDA. Bugsy has always enjoyed killing, and has expressed this on countless occasions. In the past he has used the defence that it was for the family that he did it. In the interview The NY Times did with Bugsy he claimed “99% of all my kills have been in defence of either myself or my family”, of course, with the murder of Don Puck this has been found to be a lie with an unprovoked attack on him and the rest of Disco. The series of events that has transpired has led to the death of no less than four of Puck’s mades at the hands of other ASDA member Bertone in Axes, Witch, FallenAngel, Aurora and finally Genesis. As well as this the recent weeks has seen a sharp increase in the amount of deaths on the west coat as Bertone, Bugsy and Clamps in particular, before cleaning his rap sheet, killed and took part in slaughter using the kidnap ability granted to Made Men and above. ASDA’s lies have been exposed, and there is question whether they are a democratic army at all anymore. It remains to be seen just how long ASDA intend to kill before admitting that they are nothing but random killers looking to kill off the community spirit. 'NEW LAW’S PASSED.' By Cubert Farnsworth Just a few days following Eragon’s speech on the streets regarding the bar situation in New York and the charge on buys, the President saw fit to make it a permanent fixture throughout all nine involved cities in the Mafia. There is now set to be an initial bar fee for planning permission to paid to the City Hall for $10,000 and then a maintenance fee depending on how much a customer is charged to enter the bar initially. The move has been greeted by enthusiasm by the majority of establishment Mafiosa in the district, though there has been some muted anger from those who have just arrived on the shore and have no bank to pay maintenance on a night time. The NY Times is delighted to see such a move put in place and means Eragon’s hard work will not be forgotten. 'MONKEY BUSINESS' by John Doe In the early hours of the morning on the 9th Oct approximately 8:20am when New York Times reported TurgidMonkey was left for dead outside Denver's city hall. Paramedics who reached the scene pronounced Mr.Monkey dead at 8:52pm after efforts to revive him proved to be in vain. It was believed the he was shot in total of eight times but it was the last bullet which broke into his chest cavity that proved to the fatal moment. It is believed the argument was started outside the City Hall in Denver between the New York Times reporter and a thug going by the name of 'Yetti', however later reports suggested this was just an alias being used by a member of the infamous Mugshot family line who have commonly be known to be untrustworthy within the Mafia ranks and also commonly believed to be hot headed and often taking on more than they can chew. The heat of the argument escalated and shots were fired. Yetti was seriously injured during the fire fight but continued to throw threats at the New York reporter. Minutes later ASDA member and infamous blood relative of mass murderer Mr.Smoke and NMO leader Krazytrain arrived in Denver. He joined in the argument with the News Reporter and tried to rectify the situation. Unfortunatly the situation heated up again when Yetti was shot dead by an unknown assailant, Mr_Krazytrain unfortunately believed the killer to be our very own Reporter and opened fire. The shootout went on for several hours and both men were injured, the turning point of the fight however was the arrival of another ASDA member in the form of Glowy, Long time friend and partner of Mr_Krazytrain. Outnumbered our reporter put up his best fight but was eventually pinned into a corner as the two hit men cowered over him. Charges have not been brought to either Mr_Krazytrain or Glowey after apparent investigation files disappeared from the Police Headquarters in Denver. Autopsy reports on the body of Mr.Monkey confirming cause of death and other vital case details have also gone missing. Our thoughts and prayers go out to any remaining family members, He will be missed. 'QUOTE OF THE DAY' By Dwayne Smith All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else. 'RESPECTS TO; ' Unfortunately over the past day we have seen more bloodshed than any nation should ever have to endure, here are just some of the people who shall be missed due to their great endeavours to improve our community, I apologise to all those who I have missed. Witch Capo FallenAngelJnr Made Man Roberto Santoro Boss Axes Spam King Aurora Disco Queen 'Editor’s Note ' I would just like to thank my team of journalists for putting together another entertaining edition of The New York Times, I apologise for any inaccuracies or articles which may have changed slightly since but unfortunately I’ve been forced take a step back from the Times this week due to family illnesses. Thank you again to my excellent staff for putting this together and helping keep us as ‘The Peoples News’ New writers are always wanted, this is your newspaper, and let’s keep it that way.